Compilation

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder and he”s so successful that he gave a friend a new home – for free.”

The second man said, “My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He”s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs.”

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, “My son is a stock broker and he”s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio.”

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, “We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?” The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay. I”m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio.”
_________________________________________

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, “Give me six double vodkas.”

The bartender says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.” “Yes, I”ve just found out my older brother is gay.”

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I”ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, “Jesus! Doesn”t anybody in your family like women?”

“Yeah, my wife…”
_________________________________________

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,”
and storms out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
husband says, “what took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed.”
“In bed this early, doing what?”
“Getting a second opinion!”
_________________________________________

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on
a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew
she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
_________________________________________

And to end off my contribution…

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your PC .

2 . Name it ” Boss ”

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, “Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?”

6. Answer calmly, “Yes,” and press the mouse button firmly….

7. Feel better?

HAVE A NICE DAY Laughing

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