A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.
Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: “Don’t worry – we’re safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine.”
A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: “But don’t worry – we’re still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours.”
Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: “Don’t worry – even with one engine, we’re still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt.”
The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: “If the last engine breaks down, too, then we’ll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!”
Q: What is a mathematician’s pick when faced with the choice between poutine and eternal bliss in the afterlife?
A: Poutine! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and poutine is better than nothing.
George W. Bush visits Algeria. As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: “You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra…”
The mother of already three is pregnant with her fourth child.
One evening, the eldest daughter says to her dad: “Do you know, daddy, what I’ve found out?”
“The new baby will be Chinese!”
“Yes. I’ve read in the paper that statistics shows that every fourth child born nowadays is Chinese…”
A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward to the moment the conductor shows up.
Suddenly one of the mathematicians shouts: “Conductor coming!”
All the mathematicians disappear into one washroom.
The conductor checks the ticket of each engineer and then knocks at the washroom door: “Your ticket, please.”
The mathematicians stick the one ticket they have under the door, the conductor checks it and leaves. A few minutes later, when it is safe, the mathematicians come out of the washroom. The engineers are impressed.
When the conference has come to an end, the engineers decide that they are at least as smart as the mathematicians and also buy just one ticket for the whole group. This time the mathematicians have no ticket at all…
Again one of the mathematicians shouts: “Conductor coming!”.
All the engineers rush off to one washroom. One of the mathematicians goes to that washroom, knocks at the door, and says: “Your ticket, please…”